Question # 2 to GLBT & BUDDHISM

Question #2:

During the years you had to face and deal with your sexuality, What, Who & How were you supported spiritually, emotionally...Did Zen or Buddhism play any part in it?

It all started at the very begining ("a very good place to start")

When I was about four I sported a long fair curled hair. That brought along the neighbour´s opinion: out of sheer admiration on one hand but rather upsetting on the other.

"Is it a girl or a boy?","She´s a girl.", "She looks like a girl.","Well, if she looks like a girl she´s a girl, what else?" You might think this is no great deal, but it´s pretty eroding. Not only for me but also for my mother. I can faintly recall some sort of discusions on the subject. The garments I was doned with didn´t help much ,either.

It was then when Violet Carter, my grandmother,tender as a rusted nail, decided to cut off the whole business stating that shaving the whole stuff away would strenthen my hair in the future.  Feeling deprived of such glamorous attribute I was shocked by this castrating procedure. But I was asured it was only a temporary matter, only to make it reappear stronger,longer and what not. On top of all , in order to console me for the loss, I was presented with a "nice bonnet" which I found utterly ridiculous. Pictures were taken to document the feat. I was overflowing with shame and all the time hearing the comments on the "girl´s hair" and the "male haircut". To this very day I can easy and sternly hold that my blond curls (samples of which I asked to keep...and still keep!) were much nicer than my shaved skull. That horrible day I felt handled, ridiculized, abused. Only thing nice was I was taken a pic with Mr Lion, a British Legion stuffed puppett, (holding a medal "Australia 1939"), that had been sent to me by the British Ambassador through my granny. She was the nanny to the Ambassador´s sons. (Attached please find said photos.)

How was my everyday? Ever heard about a weird girl named Alice? No Wonderland, beleive me. Only an unending GREY AND COLD nightmare.

Alec & Aleister.

On very exceptional occassions I was taken to a wonderful shady park not far from home. There my mother and I would wait for the arrival of a limousine and once the door was opened by the uniformed chauffeur out there came A&A, the Ambassador´s sons, scorted by Mrs. Violet, my granny.

Oh, what a joy! They were the only children I had the rare chance to meet. My Spanish was extremely poor and was not allowed to "go out" to play ("nothing good to learn from those") I was never sent to a kindergarten ("a waste of time") or taken to the sandbox at the corner´s Square ("a dirty pot of germs") So, till I HAD TO GO to the elementary school, A & A were sort of supernatural friendly creatures whom I fully understood and was understood by. God bless them both, wherever they are.

And, you may ask, what has this to do with Buddhism? A LOT! (in case one´s a buddhist,course) For it is through ignorance, the first innenka , that life´s seduced to dive into flesh once more. So the "nest" I was assigned (or that I chose) was a very particular one. Many times I´ve asked to myself: "If today I was tapped on the shoulder and informed that the times are ripe and offered to choose a place and circumstance of birth...oh,me,oh,my...what place? What parents?" After all, as always, one should seek a possition that allows constant growth. And yet...yet I don´t know. Sort of KOAN. Don´t you agree?

In life you can be backed , supported spiritually, emotionally, long as people ignore you are a "queer" ( sexualy different from them) That´s the reason why gay and lesbian associations exist, beyond the health and human rights business. Only peers will lend you an ear. A friend´s ear, not a scientific,not a psicosomething, not sociowhatsoever. And again, that´s the reason why closets were invented. And many will last for long. So much for Gays and Lesbians. But what about Transgenders. If in your condo pets aren´t allowed you can hide your hamster. You can´t hide your alligator!

Now, far as I have experienced, in Soto Zen Buddhism environments, in the Americas (and let me suppose in Europe) I couldn´t find the least segregation, or rejection, or whatever. Accordingly, difficult not to notice,the number of "different" people in our DOJOS. Easy: Being user-friendly toward a certain segment,that segment will grow and multiply, no wonder. BUT, the very important difference here is that a DOJO is NOT A GHETTO, and your peers are not sexual peers, but human peers, who are not trying to pick you up, or "to cure" you (Good Heavens!) or fuss in your private life. Your company is expected and cherished because you are a member in the huge enterprise of enlighting ALL BEINGS, VISIBLE OR INVISIBLE (nothing less!) starting with you yourself. Matters like sexual inclination are out of proportion in front of such big business as Buddhism.(Even in front of much lesser ones, to tell the truth.)

I´m affraid I must leave you now, but if you are worried about anything on this subject, let me share this anecdote with you all: Once my Teacher, a little fed up of someone always asking similar questions on "Buddhism and Homosexuality" put up a stiff face and finished it this way:"Look, it´s simple. If you´re promiscuous, that´s bad. And of little consequence wheather you´re gay or straight. But if you LOVE someone,that´s nice...whoever you love!"

Questioning on the theme stopped