GLBT & BUDDHISM

GLBT and Buddhism

It´s expected that people browsing these prestigious magazine pages have a fair knowledge on Buddhism.   On the other hand, having a theoretical foundation on the subject and a personal “user opinion” I´ll strain the GLBT aspect which, I must presume, is the less focused term of the binomial heading.

Old wise Socrates claimed that for a dialogue to take place definitions were a must. And nowadays it seems truer than ever.  Mainly as the terms we have to deal with are of relatively recent origin and evolution. The trouble with colloquial expressions like “queer”,”fag”, “sissie”, and the like, is that besides being vulgar words, they happen to be as imprecise as most alley talk.

As a starter, for such task we count  with the invaluable assistance of “The Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Ass.,Inc.” Standards of Care (SOC), revised June 98.

Resuming, for the sake of the schematic aims of this article:

TRANSGENDER is a person who invokes the conviction that his/her true gender identity is contrary to the biological, anatomical, genital, physical evidence. Once upon a time (in the 50´s) a rather poetical expression was coined and still today is vastly used: I’m referring to the famous, now happily superseded concept of “being trapped in the wrong body”.  (Nobody can be in a “wrong” body, but in his/her body, even in the case of having little to do with his/her gender identity).  So, when talking of transgenderism, just forget about blood tests and switch to the psychological environment.

TRANSEXUAL is a person who (after enough professional counselling) decides to surgically adequate his/her body in order to see appear in the mirror an image more or less corresponding to the one that has always been in his/her mind. This is properly called “Gender Reassignment Surgery” (and popularly named “sex change surgery”, which is wrong for a very good reason: it is particularly useful to remark that SEX and GENDER are separate concepts. “Sex” is a FACT, going deep into chromosomes and cannot be changed. “Gender” has to do with social roles, appearance, feelings (even fashion) and the like.  In a gross figurative way I always mention: “Sex is between your legs; gender is between your ears.”  Of course it is nor scientifically true, but it helps a lot to catch the idea. (And affords a few seconds of relax to the audience.)

These two stages of the same process have nothing to do with TRAVESTISM that is the practice of wearing clothes and accessories normally attributed to the sex opposite to that of the wearer. A deep satisfaction is derived from such a practice and may (or not) include masturbation and/or sexual intercourse. When intercourse takes place, it is almost always of the heterosexual kind. Many travesties are married people who share their whim with their couples. Others don't.

HOMOSEXUALITY has nothing (or sometimes, little) to do with all this, since LESBIANS are WOMEN interested in having sex with other WOMEN, and GAYS are MEN interested in having sex with other MEN. (No “wrong body” mischief) Homosexuals generally dislike not only to be conceptually linked to TG, TX and TV, but even avoid their institutional proximity (in associations, bars, clubs, etc.) Actually, gays and lesbians try to keep distance from one another, too.

BISEXUALITY is the attitude assumed by someone who little cares what’s trapped in the crotch of the person he/she is attracted by. (Homosexuality is involved to some degree in bisexuality and bisexuals generally dislike such subject to be raised)

GLBT is the abbreviation by initials denoting Gays, Lesbians,Bisexuals, Transgenders, Transexuals & Travesties, as a group diverse from Heterosexuals. Once pointed out as minorities, one might start to suspect whether the summing up of those letters doesn’t become a majority (particularly considering the vast numbers still in the “closet”). Which is not the point, for when it comes to Human Rights we should ignore statistics and proclaim that “all the Rights are for all the Human” (including heterosexuals, course!) But it happens to turn into a most decisive point when it comes to Marketing...

We might go on dealing with rather obscure issues like “The Categories of Transgenderism”, the “Partial (or Total) Androgen Insensivity Syndrome” (AIS) and other absorbing matters, but they fall far beyond the scope of my present task.

I’m a transgender woman. I was born in Buenos Aires in 1945 and I’m an Ital.-Argentine citizen presently trying to survive in Caracas, Venezuela, since 1991. “For a fact of curious chances...”(Gilbert & Sullivan) English is my mother language. During the last twenty years I’ve practiced Soto Zen Buddhism. And due to some mysterious reason, for that same period I got involved with non governmental organisations, fighting for the Human Rights of the GLBT people; first with CHA in the Far South and then with several entities here in the Caribbean.

Assuming my “trans” condition I’ve adopted a first and middle name while keeping my family surname as such. My first name is Hannah, which in Hebrew stands for Grace, and Lilith as a middle one, whose meaning and connotation evokes a rather dark image of the Near Eastern folklore (imperishable recipient of remote anthropological truths) but recently redeemed by Jewish feminists. So, Hannah Lilith results in The Grace of Lilith (Some Grace!). Relating my innermost gender identity with such spiritual banners (through my adult free choice) implies for me a consolidated personality, betting my whole existence to what I feel and believe.  And no closet, course.  I’m a full time TG woman and Hannah Lilith Migliavacca is my professional identification (NOT legal, unfortunately and for the time being).  So in public and private I happen to be an impeccable feminine presence.  Carla Antonelli has just privileged me in her Web Site pinning my picture in the Transgender Beauties Gallery (At 61!)

As far as we are directly concerned Buddhism deals with human beings. Difficult not to notice it also has to do with animals, our younger brothers. After a closer watch we soon realise we are responsible for the salvation of “invisible beings”, too.

Siddharta was born in what it is today Nepal, an ethnical descent of the Aryan invaders coming into the sub-continent from the central Siberian plains, I suppose.

He never addressed his audiences (far as I can imagine) as “My people”, since his doctrine has a lot to do against the unfair discrimination among persons. A natural consequence of that attitude is that a thought that originally appeared among brown skinned people was taken to China, Tibet, Japan and contemporarily to Europe and the Americas.

When referring to animals we are not told of bad, or useful, or wild ones. When referring to invisible beings it is not specified whether the subjects are fairies, or demons, or dark powers, or highborn kinsmen.  So, I assume that the Buddhist call is intended to Life (whatever forms it takes) in the hope that once a form has exhausted its karma it will accede to Enlightenment.  Then, as a way of life, or as a philosophy to deal with this “wicked world”, or as a religion, Buddhism is a spiritual shelter for GLBT people. Particularly when they are not welcome everywhere. But that’s a different colour horse.

I was born with male genitalia. So, it must have been easy to decide: male!

When I was about nine years old at the school medical check up they noticed I had started to develop breasts and from then on, in the best spirit of the scientific positivism I was injected male hormones thrice a week. For years.

In spite of such unceasing dripping my bosom and my hips kept expanding inexorably to the elder boys in the neighbourhood delight and the desperation of the endocrinologists. In the 50´s the Androgen Insensivity Syndrome (AIS) was still a hypothesis (AIS made simple for easy understanding: The body doesn't "read" the male hormones segregated by the appointed glands or coming from outside)

In the meantime, the family scene: Through scatological threats and very concrete blows (just in case) I was systematically disintegrated, diminished, defiled and despised in infinite ways. I was constantly reproached what I would have been ("as a man!") were I not what I was. What was I? My inner, not quite conscious self-perception was that of a "second class" woman. But, on the other hand, I was dimly proud of my female budding forms, only expecting for the coming day when my mother's brassieres would fit my young girl's chest.

It's many a year now, since I learned to straiten up from that sewer of margination and worthlessness. Notwithstanding, I'm perfectly lucid and must openly admit that all the pain I have experienced in the hands of my own family first and in society's in general later on, has become the most efficient training in the process self acceptance and consequent self esteem. Particularly in the underdeveloped macho society in which we are immersed, where ignorance and superstition recommend suspecting of anything different. As if in the whole universe there were two identical individuals! Maybe now it's becoming easier for some to guess why I embraced Buddhism.

In the long run the polarity male/female will be transcended to accede to the androgyny. (Which has nothing to do with hermafroditism.) Yes, I know that's still another different colour horse.  GASSHO.   

Question # 1 to GLBT & BUDDHISM

Question # 1 - Buddhism.

Sketch of my life telling who I was when encountering Buddhism & Zen and my present reflections on the subject. Sat.,June 24, 2006.

I was born in Buenos Aires. In 1945 that was one of the uttermost parts of the world. The once cherished British Empire economic colony and one of the most sought after nazi havens at the end of WWII.

When I was 16 years old a cultural contradiction started to eat me. Being a vaguely catholic place there were plenty of people "devouted" to defile Masonry. In High School we  learned that appart from being admirers and petty imitators of Napoleon, the Champions of Liberty in Colonial Hispanic America were members of Free Masonry. I still own a schoolbook that explains the origin of contemporary British Empire through the weakenning of Spain by depriving it of its American colonies, taking advantage of Napoleonic invation of the peninsula.

It was rather difficult to understand how, if Masonry was the Cave of Satan, these illustrious caracters, whose tombs,we were told, our lips were unworthy to kiss, so ardently adhered to its ideals and purposes.

The unendable list of remarkable masons in contemporary history included, last but not least for me, my own late grandfather, an unsurmountable carácter in the family´s mithology.

So, one day, I decided to descend into the crater of the volcano. The Masonry Headquarters were located just a few blocks away from home. My fantasy (remember my age) was the risk of never reappearing on the surface again.

With trembling knees I looked up to the reproduction of Michellangelo´s statue of Moses, The Legislator crowning the humble but impressive building.

I was cordially but dryly directed to the "Joaquín V. González Library", on the same premises, where I was received by Sr. Duran , the officer in charge.

If books were my favorite escape from my nightmarish family environment, the "J.V.G. Library" was sort of Disneyworld. It was specialized on Masonry and related  subjects, of course, but being a public library it´s  scope of interests was limitless.

Uncountable evenings I spent reading what Sr Duran handed down to me through the cloud of mystery and secrecy he had created. That cloud was instilled with the fragance of dried roses and violets so caracteristic of Romanticism and the concomitant chiaroscuro of Alchemy, Occult Lore, Kabbala, Magic, all set in a Scientific Positivism key.

I soon became familiar with (names at least) HPB, Alice Bailey, Aleister Crowley, Allan Kardek, Ernest Wood, Eliphas Levy, Max Heindel...Buddhism was a recurrent theme, indeed: "The highest form of reverence to what trascends humankind..."

But since Sr Duran was a Spanish Republican and a Civil War Refugee I still have to thank him for a general introduction to social decency politics and a very definite portrait of Generalissimo Francisco Franco Bahamonde and his beloved catholic church.

I was also a privileged listener to the conversations of those masons coming into the library to wait for their formal meetings to start, and of Brothers coming out of the Lodges after finishing The Great Works of the day and never leaving without having a word with Sr. Duran. Witnessing the deferencial treatment Sr. Duran received from all these gentlemen I came to suspect that, beyond his humble librarian  duties, he had to be a distinguished Light in the ranks of the Institution.

Life took me away through it´s different paths but to this day I still keep a warm feeling for The Brotherhood of Builders of King Solomon´s Temple.

For many years I kept reading Theosophy, Esoterism of all kinds, I tried my best at Astrology (with poor results) and took formal courses on Philosophy and Literature. As part of it I read all that came into my hands on Zen, but only as a tangent interest, a mere curiosity. My accepted path was Ceremonial Magic.

In 1985 I read Taisen Deshimaru´s " The Voice of the Valley, Zen Teachings."

By then I had a picture of myself as deeply versed on Zen after so many readings, but gladly accepted that someone had to initiate me if I wanted to practice: This is bread and butter for those familiar with Ceremonial Magic.

I clearly perceived that everything started by posture and that it was imprudent  to "invent" on such a critical field. The Grendonniere address was included in the book, so I decided to write asking how and where could I contact an instructor to let me know about the right posture "for that´s the only thing I need to know about Zen". They sent me a list of Groups, Dojos and Temples all around the globe.  Then I rang Jorge Bustamante, who was in charge of "El Dojo de la calle Guatemala" (expression that´s quite an emblem for a whole generation of Zen practitioners in the Far South, long before it became HO SEN Temple - Source of Dharma - and now has turned into a Soto Zen Community in Buenos Aires, under the name of La Ermita de Paja: www.zazen.com.ar)

When I emerged from my first sitting I searched an empty bench in the neighbouring little square: "And to think I thought I knew everything about Zen!"

At first, to recite Hannya Shinngyo without understanding what I was saying was openly repugnant to me. And the Threefold Refuge too,for the religious implications I saw in it.

My Master (he rejected the title and preferred that of instructor) insisted in the value of SOUND over MEANING (Ceremonial Magic concepts helped for accepting this) And in Bustamante´s opinion the three prostrations would do me no harm and, on the sleigh, I could experience humility, by way of gesture. (nothing less! I was a very high brow carácter twenty years ago...) Finally he helped me accept that the ritual was merely a convenient FRAME to practice, which core is SHIKANTAZA. Notice that though I was very tough and rebel in those days, I never clashed with Master Bustamante (today RYUNAN BUSTAMANTE ZENJI) He was like a petal to me ( but a stainless steel petal, that is!) The sweetest of Seargents. I recall myself saying: "I don´t care about Buddhism; I come here for Zen!" Oh, lucky me, that thanks to Zen I reached Buddhism! Were it ONLY for THAT, I would be lifelong grateful to Zen! Today I hear of people who exhibit authority boasting what I uttered in my ignorance. But, you know, "Every person has his/her TAO." And, here and now, I´m happy to have acceded to an ETHICS OF LIFE as a side product. I won´t waste my time (nor other´s) trying to determine which comes first, whether the hen or the egg. Look, if you see a hen sitting on an egg you should easyly conclude what´s what and not viceversa. Sort of dog wags tail.

And, please, don´t you dare telling me "the hen also came out of an egg..." for such luminous notions can only come after taking naps under Boddhi trees. So much for Western Koans.

The only White Magic I know today is SHIKANTAZA MU SHOTOKU. All the others (that I have known) are Black , or more or less Grey, and should be dodged for the best selfish karmic reasons (The so called ALFA to start with!)

As far as the practitioner is looking for something, the purity of practice is doomed. Greed contaminates, no matter how small what you seek. "NOT EVEN A LEAF OF GRASS.!" should be picked from "there". "THERE, EVERY FLOWER HAS A POISONED SNAKE COILED AROUND IT´S STEM."  These are very ancient warnings; consider them brand new, latest generation software.

Every time you TAKE, you load karma, "bad" karma.

GIVE, GIVE GENEROUSLY, without expectations!

Sit "FOR NOTHING" and "bad"  karma will slowly burn away. Beware: If you sit for burning "bad" karma, you are acting the wrong way; you are doing it for something, there´s an interest, no matter how "spiritual".

SHIKANTAZA MU SHOTOKU

That´s my Ceremonial Magic today, and I know what I´m talking about:

"A LIFETIME USER´S OPINION." GASSHO.

Question # 2 to GLBT & BUDDHISM

Question #2:

During the years you had to face and deal with your sexuality, What, Who & How were you supported spiritually, emotionally...Did Zen or Buddhism play any part in it?

It all started at the very begining ("a very good place to start")

When I was about four I sported a long fair curled hair. That brought along the neighbour´s opinion: out of sheer admiration on one hand but rather upsetting on the other.

"Is it a girl or a boy?","She´s a girl.", "She looks like a girl.","Well, if she looks like a girl she´s a girl, what else?" You might think this is no great deal, but it´s pretty eroding. Not only for me but also for my mother. I can faintly recall some sort of discusions on the subject. The garments I was doned with didn´t help much ,either.

It was then when Violet Carter, my grandmother,tender as a rusted nail, decided to cut off the whole business stating that shaving the whole stuff away would strenthen my hair in the future.  Feeling deprived of such glamorous attribute I was shocked by this castrating procedure. But I was asured it was only a temporary matter, only to make it reappear stronger,longer and what not. On top of all , in order to console me for the loss, I was presented with a "nice bonnet" which I found utterly ridiculous. Pictures were taken to document the feat. I was overflowing with shame and all the time hearing the comments on the "girl´s hair" and the "male haircut". To this very day I can easy and sternly hold that my blond curls (samples of which I asked to keep...and still keep!) were much nicer than my shaved skull. That horrible day I felt handled, ridiculized, abused. Only thing nice was I was taken a pic with Mr Lion, a British Legion stuffed puppett, (holding a medal "Australia 1939"), that had been sent to me by the British Ambassador through my granny. She was the nanny to the Ambassador´s sons. (Attached please find said photos.)

How was my everyday? Ever heard about a weird girl named Alice? No Wonderland, beleive me. Only an unending GREY AND COLD nightmare.

Alec & Aleister.

On very exceptional occassions I was taken to a wonderful shady park not far from home. There my mother and I would wait for the arrival of a limousine and once the door was opened by the uniformed chauffeur out there came A&A, the Ambassador´s sons, scorted by Mrs. Violet, my granny.

Oh, what a joy! They were the only children I had the rare chance to meet. My Spanish was extremely poor and was not allowed to "go out" to play ("nothing good to learn from those") I was never sent to a kindergarten ("a waste of time") or taken to the sandbox at the corner´s Square ("a dirty pot of germs") So, till I HAD TO GO to the elementary school, A & A were sort of supernatural friendly creatures whom I fully understood and was understood by. God bless them both, wherever they are.

And, you may ask, what has this to do with Buddhism? A LOT! (in case one´s a buddhist,course) For it is through ignorance, the first innenka , that life´s seduced to dive into flesh once more. So the "nest" I was assigned (or that I chose) was a very particular one. Many times I´ve asked to myself: "If today I was tapped on the shoulder and informed that the times are ripe and offered to choose a place and circumstance of birth...oh,me,oh,my...what place? What parents?" After all, as always, one should seek a possition that allows constant growth. And yet...yet I don´t know. Sort of KOAN. Don´t you agree?

In life you can be backed , supported spiritually, emotionally, long as people ignore you are a "queer" ( sexualy different from them) That´s the reason why gay and lesbian associations exist, beyond the health and human rights business. Only peers will lend you an ear. A friend´s ear, not a scientific,not a psicosomething, not sociowhatsoever. And again, that´s the reason why closets were invented. And many will last for long. So much for Gays and Lesbians. But what about Transgenders. If in your condo pets aren´t allowed you can hide your hamster. You can´t hide your alligator!

Now, far as I have experienced, in Soto Zen Buddhism environments, in the Americas (and let me suppose in Europe) I couldn´t find the least segregation, or rejection, or whatever. Accordingly, difficult not to notice,the number of "different" people in our DOJOS. Easy: Being user-friendly toward a certain segment,that segment will grow and multiply, no wonder. BUT, the very important difference here is that a DOJO is NOT A GHETTO, and your peers are not sexual peers, but human peers, who are not trying to pick you up, or "to cure" you (Good Heavens!) or fuss in your private life. Your company is expected and cherished because you are a member in the huge enterprise of enlighting ALL BEINGS, VISIBLE OR INVISIBLE (nothing less!) starting with you yourself. Matters like sexual inclination are out of proportion in front of such big business as Buddhism.(Even in front of much lesser ones, to tell the truth.)

I´m affraid I must leave you now, but if you are worried about anything on this subject, let me share this anecdote with you all: Once my Teacher, a little fed up of someone always asking similar questions on "Buddhism and Homosexuality" put up a stiff face and finished it this way:"Look, it´s simple. If you´re promiscuous, that´s bad. And of little consequence wheather you´re gay or straight. But if you LOVE someone,that´s nice...whoever you love!"

Questioning on the theme stopped